I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
