I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
