My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
