I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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