meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
