Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
