Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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