note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
