On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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