So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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