allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize