Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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