Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
