so explain again why im purple
no
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
