Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
