I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
