I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
