party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
