He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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