guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
