I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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