Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
