My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I am one with the molecules
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
