he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
