I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
