thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
