how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
