I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
