It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
