I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i came on her dog
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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