I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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