My hand turned me down
he was CRYING into my vagina
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
