i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
