I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
