I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
