I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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