Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize