i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
