ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
