Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
