she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
