i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
