so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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