My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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