do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
