I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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