So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
