i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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