She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
