you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
