Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
