Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
