No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
