Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
