Just took my morning after pill in the library
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
