Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
