i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize