No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
