My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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