his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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