benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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