Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
