just tell him i said nine months
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
