the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
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